A sense of Betrayal, Desperation and eventually Relief

        I am just a simple and traditional man, who believes in my own God. Everything is just fine. However, my life was dominated by fear, the fear of loss when missionaries had invaded my clan. The introduction of Christianity in Igbo society declared open defiance to my original belief that I embraced since I was young. These white missionaries brainwashed my tribesmen, persuaded them to convert to Christianity. Of course, my beloved son, Nwoye was one of them. This shocking incident had torn me apart in both mentally and emotionally. I really cannot bear with the loss of my beloved my culture and my tribesmen anymore. How could I resist the tide of change in my supreme religion? Innocently, I believed the Igbo citizens would eventually reunite the clan and drive the white missionaries out of Umuofia. I was outrage with the disturbance of "outsiders" when I was having meeting with my clan leaders. Eventually, I have killed the court messenger when my emotion was thoroughly out of control. I wished this incident would stop the church's dominion over my land and spurred the other leaders of Umuofia into action against the authority of white missionaries.

        However, the reality was always unbearable. My tribesmen action had totally smashed my confidence in conquering with these white missionaries. Tribesmen that I believed the most had turned against me. They let missionaries escaped. How could they do that? I found that everything I ever strove for has become redundant under the influence of Christianity. I appeared to be the only one, the foolish one, who tried to embrace my old religion. I felt helpless and I must now face this disgrace alone. The old memories were recalling in my mind. The happy moments between each others were profoundly in my mind. I could never imagine this so called new religion; Christianity had destroyed the intimate bond between us.

Eventually, I chose to commit suicide as an easy way out of frustration in defending my own belief. Undeniably, committed murder was considered as an act of coward. But still, I wished to use my death to prove to all, I loved my belief. I would never want to be a part of this disintegrating clan who embraced a new belief easily. Also, I would never compromise; I would never find a middle ground to live in, between Igbo and British culture. I wished to dispose o myself instead of being hanged by those conspiratorial intruders. I would never regret for what I did because I could listen our God is weeping.